Signs We Shouldn't Have Dated Them

Amateurs.

Here at SWSHDH... (Crap. That's not classy-looking at all!)

Let's try this again:

 

Here at SIGNS, we always appreciate stating the obvious. It's a good refresher course and it's important to have a strong foundation in your knowledge of signs...where we shouldn't have dated him.

We thank MSN Lifestyle for compiling 11 signs in this web article, with an assist by an actual guy, Mike, "11 Signs He's Not Headed Toward a Relationship With You."

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/staticslideshowglamour.aspx?cp-documentid=26466431&GT1=32092

 But again, these are all pretty obvious indications that the dude is a douche with whom you shouldn't be wasting any time.

 

Ah amateurs. Thank god for us and all of our bad decisions right?

But let's not totally discount Lifestyle at MSN's article and look at the first one they have:

He texts more than he calls.

Yes, that's a sign...but he may not like talking on the phone! And, that's no excuse.

Men will do whatever it takes to get a girl, keep a girl, IF he likes her. So he should certainly do you the courtesy of calling - at least as much as he texts.

 

Now here's where we at SIGNS take it a step further. We're in the texting age of communication so it's gonna happen where you're going to get texts from your said beaus.

BUT IF

He types LOL after every instant message line in his attempt to flirt (rather inappropriately)...

YOU SHOULDN'T BE DATING HIM.

We did.

Let's give an example:

Him: I can't wait to see those C's out of your shirt. LOL

 

Him: It's so weird. I've never been with a girl where a friend of mine has been there [ie: said girl]before me. LOL

 

Him: I can't live without sex. LOL

 

 

S&M: radio silence. Proceeding to block his ass on IM.

 

*Author's note: The actual flirting recounted above might have been enough to have blocked his ass but we feel the LOL gave it a little something extra we couldn't ignore.

We're BAAAACK!!!!

After a long hiatus, S&M is officially back. And back in the dating world! And what better way to start us off after a lovely holiday weekend, then talking about a sign that came about on a FIRST DATE.

Yes, yes, one of the points of this blog is that A LOT of signs come out on a first date...but  some (read: MOST) of them we tend to ignore and let slip happily right on by.

Not this one. This little nugget comes to us from a dear one very close to the S&M family. She was on her first date with a guy that stopped her on the subway (very cute and stopping her on a subway is not necessarily a sign...unless he seems to look like he spends an inordinate amount of time on the subway. We do live in LA after all) and asked her out.

On their first date, they went to see a lovely animated film sequel that broke records in its debut. But upon learning that one of the characters that was in the first movie wasn't in the sequel, the young man was dismayed. He wanted to know why they had done away with his character.

My dear one looked at him puzzled and then incredulous. "Well, that was Paul Newman."

And, dear readers, though it pains me much to use the past tense to talk about one of the most amazing men ever to live, it hurts even more to tell you the last part of this little story, which was his reply:

"Who's Paul Newman?"

And that right there, is a deal breaker.

Because really?

 

Or REALLY?

 

Quite possibly the coolest man EVER. And if you don't know why, look him up. School yourself. Just not on my time.

 

 RIP Paul. The very definition of a class act.

You slept with him on the first date.

Oh my goodness! You had sex?? On a FIRST DATE???

 

Yes, this feels like we're harkening back to a simpler time of bobby socks and blue jeans and even a more recent time when you thought you'd never have to read a book titled "The Rules" and then felt maybe you actually did. But before Neil Sedaka can croon "Breaking up is hard to do" (Doo, doo, doo down doo be do down, down...), consider the underlying truth to this statement.

We can talk about how you're worth waiting for (and you are) or how any good relationship needs time to grow (which it does) or how you have no idea what kind of boy this is - did you vet his sexual history to make sure he wasn't dirty and we hope you used a condom!!

And all of those things are true. But we don't want to sound like your mother. Or our mother. (Yeesh.)

 

What it comes down to is that any boy who sleeps with you on the first date is probably not looking to be DATING. He's looking for one thing and one thing only. And he got it! No need to continue dating you!

Crap. We do sound like our mother.

And yes, again, there are always exceptions to this. A friend of ours had sex with a guy in the bathroom of a bar on their first date and now they've been married for three years.

Passion's a funny thing.

 

So once again, we encourage you to heed our warnings. But, as we've said before, they're only guidelines.

Sometimes you just gotta drag him into that stall and screw his brains out, second date be damned!

Then YOU can tell US a good story.

 

Bet our moms would never say that.

 

 

 

It's not you, it's me.

Up until this point, we’ve laid out various signs from boys that indicated we shouldn’t have dated them. We suppose the above line, “It’s not you, it’s me” could easily be added amongst them but we’re going to use it in a different way. We’re going to use it as if WE said it to THEM (the boys).

In every relationship, casual, serious, fling, affair, we want to encourage that you always have a choice. A choice to flaunt your good decision-making and independence and when boys pull the type of crap that was documented in previous posts, you have the choice to kick ‘em to the curb.

But what happens when you’re feeling the “It’s not you; it’s me” vibe? Thus begins our first, but certainly not last, post of “Signs WE shouldn’t have dated them…because WE didn’t really want to.”

How’s that for an intro? Here we go:

 

You sneak out of his place at 3am, after he’s fallen asleep and thought you were spending the night.

 

 Yeah. Classy right? We’re classy ladies. We are! (Actions above notwithstanding.)

Here’s the thing: If you find yourself holding your breath until you hear HIS even breathing so you can hightail it out of there without having to make excuses, maybe you should think about whether you really wanted to be there in the first place.

Ladies! Don’t waste your precious and valuable time with someone you don’t really want to date. This may seem like a no-brainer but listen to us – we DATED this guy. It’s not hard to fall into that trap. We went out with him AND we snuck out more than once! Clearly we did NOT want to be there.

We just let it go past what it was meant to be in the first place – a simple, no fuss, one-night stand. Remember those? Nothing wrong with those. Safety first of course. And it would have been a helluva lot safer if we did just leave it at that…instead of sneaking out with our clothes in our hands, waiting until we got to the hallway to put them on and ended up tripping and falling down the stairs as we tried to put on our jeans.

See? Dating when you don’t really want to can be dangerous. Just say no.

 

 

He quotes Mein Kampf.

Yes. We know what you’re thinking. We’re probably not gonna see too much of that these days.

Boys are way more interested in the latest edition of Call of Duty than to sit down and read a book, much less quote a book! And much less quote a book published 86 years ago by probably the most reviled man in history. And we know we mentioned this one previously as a no excuse-no brainer but we felt it warranted a little more explanation.

 

We didn’t date a guy who quoted Mein Kampf – we’re using this more as an extreme example of going out with someone who may have a different viewpoint than what we’re used to. Okay, a very different viewpoint.

 

It’s not a bad thing to expose yourself to new and different ideas – it can be challenging and stimulating for both parties involved. We like to think that James Carville and Mary Matalin have very spirited conversations – read: SEX – in their life together.

 

And we did once date a guy who believed the exact opposite of everything we believed in. He voted for the opposite party, he was pro-life, his religion believed our people killed Jesus and he was against gay marriage.

 

The sex was amazing. The arguments about whose viewpoint was more accurate were like foreplay. The chemistry was explosive.

 

But in the end, the differences were too different. Certain beliefs we held were too important to us and to be with someone who believed the exact opposite went against everything we stood for.

 

We grow as people when we learn from others but we think it’s safe to say that we’d limit those “others” to the great minds who accept everyone as they are – no matter what race, religion or sexual orientation.

 

True, there is such a thing as a freedom of speech. But our time on this earth is short and love is worth it, once you find it – we’d allow for a limit of that freedom in the company you prefer to keep to stuff you actually want to listen to.

 

And if you do happen to find yourself a literary-minded chap who sports a copy of Hitler’s opus on his bookshelf and you’re hesitant to toss him aside – he reads BOOKS! – keep watch. Other signs will inevitably follow. Perhaps a nickname like “Adolf” or “Third Reich” becomes apropos. And in that case, we’d like to direct you back to our sign post of “You give him a nickname…” And you know how that turned out. We shouldn’t have dated them. And neither should you.

 

But let’s be serious. A boy who actually has books? And can quote from them? Isn’t that what the Internet is for?